Apologies to Carly Simon, You're so Vain.  This seems to especially fit McCain (McVain?)

They talked about their party
Like it was as easy as a chip-shot
Campaigns strategically dripped with rhetoric
They'd win it as like as not
They have both hands on our wallets as they take another shot
All the candidates say they'll bring us changes, Life rearranges, and...

They're so vain
They don't think this vote is about you
They're so vain
I bet they think this isn't about you
Don't you? Don't you?

Well, I've watched them several years, you know
And sometimes I've been naive
When they said that they'd bring us a brighter day
And Freedom would never leave

But they gave away the things I loved and wounded Liberty
We had some dreams, but they now sound like Kofi, Sound just like Kofi, and...

They're so vain, they don't care that this vote is about you
They're so vain, I bet they think this isn't about you
Don't you? Don't you?

Well I hear they went to the Michigan race, and Romney naturally won
And now McCain is rising and no one knows why
We see this total eclipse of the sun
He's where he shouldn't be all the time
And when he's not he's there
Just poking our eye and with Ted he's a close friend, Kerry's his close friend, and...

He's McVain, he probably thinks this game is about him
He's so vain, I'll bet he thinks we all will elect him
Don't he? Don't he?

Repeat Chorus
No McCain, we Probably think you won't be our POTUS
What's to gain? We might as well surrender You've lost us
No Choice! No Voice!

CAGW is doing good work.  But, here is to anyone who is a Porkbuster!  The best we can do is refuse to keep incumbents in office when they are porkies!  Vote for fiscal responsibility and hold those in office accountable for pork.  It is OUR money, after all.  Thanks and apologies to Ray Parker Jr (Ghostbusters)

If you're sick and tired
Of the Congress Pork
Who you gonna call
(Porkbusters)
They're from every state
Even from New York
Who you gonna call
(Porkbusters)

All those liars are toast
All those liars are toast

If those Congressmen
Keep on Wasting dough
Who can you call
(Porkbusters)
Ain't it all a sham
Keeping voters dumb
Oh, who you gonna call
(Porkbusters)

All those liars are toast
All those liars are toast

Who you gonna call
(Porkbusters)
Believe a word I spoke?
Get out and Vote
And BE
Porkbusters!

All those liars are toast
I hear they think we're scum
All those liars are toast
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Who you gonna call
(Porkbusters)
If you've had enough
Then we must be tough
Then we all can be
Porkbusters

Let me tell you something
Bustin' makes me feel good

All those liars are toast
All those liars are toast

Don't think you're alone, oh no
Porkbusters
Ah, I think we better all
BE PORKBUSTERS

Send them all out the door
Unless you just want some more

WAKE UP GOP!  McCain is no Conservative!

Glen Campbell sang The Wichita Lineman....Here is a parody to that tune.

I am McCain and I'm a RINO
MSM says I'm gold
Ev'ryone can see that my campaign's been bought and sold

You'll hear me singing to the choir
And sometimes you'll hear me whine
For this John McCain RINO
Is doin' just fine

I know you fear some more taxation
And we'll lose all we've gained
And now that group that votes down south
Will carry John McCain

And you think that I'll betray us
And I'm cranky all the time
For this John McCain RINO
Is doin' just fine

Repeat Chorus

All the Democrats will love me
'Cause with me their side will win
And this John McCain RINO
Is No Paladin!

Inspired from the article asking if Polar Bears are Edible....

To the Theme from MASH

Did you hear about the ice?
They say that Polar Bears are Nice
But they are doomed to die you see
And all the blames' on you and me
But...
Polar bears are yummy
They taste good in my tummy
And I would surely eat one if I could....

I'm sick that bears our species trump
I'd like to kick the Greenies' rumps
The earth did fine without our aid
Send all those bears to Everglades!
For
Polar Bears are Tasty
Although their coats are pasty
And we could surely eat them if we pleased...

After months of TH posting, it is still apparent that some folks love to 'feed the trolls' and others manage to stay on topic no matter how difficult it is to ignore.  I would encourage the use of the scroll wheel, and singing the following parody based on Dionne Warwick's hit song "Walk on By"

If you see them posting on the thread
And they start to say the GOP's dead
Scroll on by, scroll on by

Make believe
That's all they ever post
Why won't they leave?
Don't feed them, 'cause each time you see them
They'll your patience try
So scroll on by (don't stop)
Just scroll on by (don't stop)
Scroll on by

They just can't get over a Bush Two
And so they remain, broken and blue
Scroll on by, scroll on by
Foolish pride
That's all that they have left
Why don't they hide
They won't even listen to reason
So I'll say goodbye
and Scroll on by
And scroll on by (don't stop)

My wheel rolls, my wheel rolls
Foolish trolls
They don't believe a word
So my wheel scrolls
By anger and words without logic
Just tell them goodbye
And scroll on by (Don't stop)
Scroll on by (Don't stop)

I've always had the theory that no one in their right mind would wish to be President of the United States.  How much stress and responsibility can one person wish for themselves?  Therefore, all the candidates must be a tad on the nutty side, just to seek the office in the first place.  It can't be for the pay, as many in the private sector make more in financial gain, so it must be for the power.  But, with that power comes an awesome responsibility.  I just want someone who I can believe is honest and won't take us further down the socialism road.

I think the front runners are all Pretenders.  So, this is directed at no particular candidate, or ideology.  You can think of the candidate(s) of your choice as you enjoy the following parody.  Based on The Great Pretender (Freddie Mercury/The Platters)

Oh yes, I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Pretending that I'll be your Prez (ooh ooh)
I want your vote, your ideals I'll float
I'm lying but no one can tell

Oh Yes, I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh)
Adrift in my pandering campaign (ooh ooh)
I play the game; MSM's to blame
For making my words sound so lame.

It's real that you think it's all make believe
It's real when you hear and my words cause you fear

Ooh Ooh Yes, they're the great pretenders (ooh ooh)
Believing that voters are clowns (ooh ooh)
They seem to be what they're not (you see)
They'll trample our heart for the crown
Pretending that they're White House bound

Yeah Ooh Hoo
It's real when you hear and your choice causes fear

Oh yes, we're the great pretenders
Just voting for those we don't like (ooh ooh)
They seem to be what they're not you see
Why can't we find someone to trust?
Pretending we don't feel disgust.

Hillary may or may not have had real or manufactured tears.  Bill and Oprah have used the weepy bit to great effect, so it will be interesting to see if it lasts.  So, with apologies to Lesley Gore "It's My Party and I'll Cry if I want To"

It's my Party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I need to, cry to make you blue
You would cry too if it happened to you

Nobody knows why Obama has surged
But Iowa votes made him win
Why weren't they voting for me?
A Her is much better than Him.

It's my time now, and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I need to, cry until you spew
Bill would cry too if it made you vote blue

Now all the pundits were talking all night
But they underestimate me
Not til I win the House White
Will I be ready to flee

It's my time now, and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I need to, cry until you spew
Bill will cry too if it makes you vote blue

Just watch my campaign it has only begun
I'm like a Queen with her King
Wait for the election surprise
When Clintons win the whole thing

It's my time now and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I need to, cry until you spew
Bill will cry too if it makes you vote blue

Oh-oh-oh
It's my time now and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I need to...cry until you spew
(fade)

With the surprise Iowa victory from back of the pack, Huckabee has been riding some momentum.  I am not convinced that he has the Conservative principles we want, based on his record.  However, to give him his day I have written the following.  From Zipadee Do Dah (Song of the South)

Huckabee do dah, Huckabee ay
He just won the race in old Eye Oh Way
Plenty of voters headin' his way
Huckabee-do-dah, Huckabee's day

Will he keep momentum rolling
Or will he, like we've seen
Be another flash like old Dean
Huckabee-do-dah, Huckabee's day
We all are reeling, reeling today!

Huckabee do dah, Huckabee ay
Why oh why is Hunter treated this way?
He came in third in Wyoming you say?
Duncan is better, better I say!

Old Fred Thompson and Mitt Romney
There's McCain and Rudy
Each debate's like Punch and Judy
Huckabee do dah, Huckabee ay
Who will deliver? Who is to say?

Obama trampled, Hillary's day
My, oh, my, isn't that great you say?
But now Obama's headin' our way
Who will deliver, who is to say?

If we get another RINO
He won't win, that's factual
Just Conservatives have got pull
Huckabee-do-dah, Huckabee's day
We all are reeling, reeling today!

With apologies to Billy Joel's The Times they are a Changin'    Hillary says she is all about CHANGE, hence the parody that follows.  I think too much is being made of the early primaries.  We must continue to be on guard against another Clinton presidency. (Besides, she makes great material!)

She Says She is For Changin'

Come gather 'round people where e'er you call home
And you'll see that the voters around you have shown
That no matter if Clinton's campaign will be blown
If the state to you is worth savin'
Then you better start voting
So she'll sink like a stone
For she says she is for Changin'

Come voters and critics who compare her to men
Just keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And MSM sells you
 Their own brand of spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'
For a loser now
Might be later to win
For she says she is for Changin'

Come Senators, Congressmen
Please heed our call
Don't do things all your way
We'll make you crawl
For he that's elect
Will be he who has balls
There's a battle
Outside and it's ragin'
It is here on our borders
And we want the wall
For our state we are not changin'

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
We must criticize
What some don't understand
Our sons and our daughters
Will inherit this land
Our country we must engage in
If we just defeat Clinton
We won't heed her command
For she says she is for changin'

The time it is here
Your vote you must cast
Uphold our state
Let Liberty last
Don't let our freedoms
Fall into the past
Our nation is rapidly fadin'
Stop her before the
Blue dye is cast
For she says she is for changin'

This is based on Simon and Garfunkle's AT THE ZOO.  The liberals want to call W a chimp (which makes me mad) but hey....they have a point.  The whole political process is a Zoo!

It's a Zoo!

Someone told me
All the candidates lie to you
I do believe it
I do believe it's true

Oo Oo Oo
MMM MMM MMM MMM MMM
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oo Oo Oo Oo Oo

It's a rough and tumble journey
Once they take to their campaign
Just a bold, expensive gamble
To get you.

To get the vote they'll lie to us
If they're gaining: bought and sold
And the candidates will love it
If you do
If you do now...

Something tells me
All the candidates lie to you

Where do we look for honesty?
They all are insincere
And the elephants are RINOS and that's dumb!
Obama says he's skeptical
Of why the war still rages
And the Oprah says she's there to help him run.

Liberals are reactionaries
Huckabee's a 'missionary'
Clintons plot in secrecy
And voters turn off frequently
It's a gas!  You gotta realize
It's a zoo!

It's a zoo!

It's a zoo.....

Well, after reading Linda Chavez' article today, this song was crying out to be written.  I believe that there are a lot of 'good' folk here, but if they are here ILLEGALLY then they need to go home.  We need to reinterpret the 'anchor baby' amendment that I believe is a bastardization of the original intent.  Incidentally, although this parody seems to target only Hispanics, any Illegal is fair game to be apprehended and sent home.   In this day and age with terrorists out to kill and maim Americans, an open border is beyond stupidity.

So, with apologies to Simon and Garfunkle's Sounds of Silence

No More Silence

Hello Illegals, you're no friend,
You've come to rob us all again
It's an invasion softly creeping,
Planting seeds while we are sleeping
Reconquista! For the country that you'd gain
Still remains,
Within the sounds of silence

Our border agents walk alone
Facing jail-time from our own
From Lake Tahoe to the border
They cannot shoot without an order
Many folks are stabbed by the thugs from the EME
Called Emily, that prowl the streets in silence.

And without Minutemen we saw
A million people maybe more
People talk another language
Working for a hidden slave wage
Singing Spanish songs,
Our Culture never share
And no one dares, Disturb the Sound of Silence

"Fools" said I "You just don't know,
Amnesty like Cancer grows"
Hear my words that I might reach you
Send them home, I need to teach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
An no one
Dared to Yell
Just Silence

Good folks knelt to sing and pray
Secure our borders now, today!
Won't you stop to heed our warning
Their La Raza now is forming
And their signs say
"The loss of your nation is written if you fail to act!"
Just send them back.
Strong borders
Rule of Law
No Silence!

I think Obama is more dangerous than an empty suit (MT SUIT) and so the following parody is inspired by MC Hammer.  Oprah may or may not be exhibiting racial bias to support him as her candidate, but she certainly has influence and plenty of money.  Is it 'free' advertising to have him on her much-watched TV show?  Who knows?  All I know is she is throwing her considerable weight around in the cause of Obama.  He is a very scary man...not because of his race, but because of his views.  Anyway here is:   U Can't  Touch This

U Can't Touch This
by: MT Suit

Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Can't touch this

My, my, my, my campaign is just so hard
Oprah says,
 Oh my Lord!
Thank you for blessing me
With a man to run, to set blacks free
He's good, And I'll share my dough
With my super-fine Senator from Chicago
And he is known as such
And here's my candidate, you can't touch
I say it with joy, Can't touch this
Yeah, that's how I'm votin' and ya know,
Can't touch this

Look in his eyes man, can't touch this
Yo let me bust the next election, you can't touch this

Fresh hot,
I want romance
You know I really like him, gotta take a chance
So move him
Outta his seat
'Cause the Oprah girl is so darn sweet
He'll be
Rollin' strong
Pump in a little cash you know what's going on
Like that
Like that
O is on a mission, so just get back
Let 'em know I care too much
But this is just me uh they can't touch
Yo I told you, can't touch this
Think I am racist? Can't touch this
Yo sound the bell votes are in sucker
Can't touch this
Pandering votes, I'm with him
Money's no sweat and that's what I'm gonna give him
Now you know
I talk about Obama what a row we're gonna hoe
That's hyped
Air tight
Obama is runnin' no stereotype
He is smart
Talks well
What's it gonna take for this package to sell?
With 'O'
Legit
We all will work hard so the others will quit
That's word because you know
Can't touch this
Can't touch this
Break walls down!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Stop! He's Oprah's clown!

Go with Oprah it is said
If you don't think she's right then you probably are dead
So wave your hand with some joy
Vote Obama now get him outta Illinois
This is it, choose my winner
Listen to me and you know you'll get thinner
It is true
That he's black
Voting for him is the greatest payback

Vote, vote, vote, yeah, you can't touch this
Oprah says, you can't touch this
You know he'll be hyped, boy  'cause you know you can't touch this
Cast your vote, let him win, O's in town!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Stop! Vote Oprah's clown!

Thanks YLG...you have inspired another song.  Your comment about John Edwards " I don't think Edwards is as deep as paper.  A piece of paper has substance, and is useful.  He lacks both qualities.   He has the depth of a neutron, and just as effective."  So you did it again YLG. 

Here is a parody of the Pointer Sisters' Neutron Dance to John Edwards.

I'm John Edwards, I'm your candidate
Don't you think my hairstyle is first-rate?
Ambulances used to be my beat
Now the other candidates will see defeat!

Whoo oooh
Whoo oooh

Don't you like to hear my southern drawl?
I've got more to say than that old man Ron Paul
No one else can match my intellect
All the rest are bad, I know how to collect

Whoo oooh
Whoo oooh

(Chorus)
Even though you say
You don't believe a word I say
It's my wife you'll see
Who's the one to speak for me
I'm just learning, don't have a neutron's chance
I'm just learning, don't have a neutron's chance

Candidates will lie and that's for sure
Don't believe me when I say I love the poor
Proof is there if you will only look
'Cause everything I say is gobbledegook

(Chorus)
Even though you say
You don't believe a word I say
It's my wife you'll see
Who's the one to speak for me
I'm just learning, don't have a neutron's chance
I'm just learning, don't have a neutron's chance

Whoo ooh
Whoo ooh
I'm a loser, yeah
I'm a loser, yeah

(Chorus)
Even though you say
You don't believe a word I say
It's my wife you'll see
Who's the one to speak for me
I'm just learning, don't have a neutron's chance
I'm just learning, don't have a neutron's chance

I doubt there is a White House spot for me
No matter how I try to just believe
And I'm just learning, don't have a neutron's chance
I'm just learning, don't have a neutron's chance
Campaign's burning, don't have a neutron's chance

Well, after the hoopla about the rude questioner that asked "How do we defeat the b*tch?" I guess the following parody was a chip-shot.  Apologies to Elton John and Bernie Taupin..."The B*tch is Back"

The B*tch is Back

I am bona-fide, in four-wheel drive
Raising cash, My campaign survive
Times are changing, now I'm on the fast-track
And this gal is gonna smash you when the b*tch gets back

I'm a b*tch, I'm a b*tch
Oh the b*tch is back
Stone Cold Marxist, as a matter of fact
I can b*tch, I can b*tch
'Cause I'm better than you
It's the way we must move
The things you must do
Oh oh oh.

Try my health care, that's alright
Don't you know the troops deserve my spite?
My agenda will help you relax
All I have to do is expand your tax.

I'm a b*tch, I'm a b*tch
Oh the b*tch is back
Stone Cold Marxist, as a matter of fact
I can b*tch, I can b*tch
'Cause I'm better than you
It's the way we must move
The things you must do
Oh oh oh.

I don't care if you call me names
Sold my soul for the political gains
Don't mind Bill, I can halt the attack
So he's full of nasty habits, now the b*tch is back

I'm a b*tch, I'm a b*tch
Oh the b*tch is back
Stone Cold Marxist, as a matter of fact
I can b*tch, I can b*tch
'Cause I'm better than you
It's the way we must move
The things you must do

B*tch, b*tch...the Witch is back....
(repeat to fade out)